Pros and Cons
by BritCat - Twilight Lover
Summary: Post Eclipse, pre BD. Bella has an unexpected visit from a bluntly funny relative. Fluffy, silly, not lemony. If you want it as a story start, just ask.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own anything. A cute little one-shot that a friend forced me to write, post Eclipse, pre Breaking Dawn: **

* * *

Adam had sent me an email very early in the morning. I was sitting, with Edward rubbing my shoulders gently as I tried to focus on the dim computer screen in front of me. Edward was impatient this morning.

"Why don't you let me get you a new computer? One with a flat screen and a hard drive large enough to store music and pictures..."

"Why would I need one? You own all the music in the world, and Forks is picturesque enough." I pointed out. "Besides that, I wouldn't need one when I'm like you, would I? I'll be living in your house anyway by then."

Edward stiffened beside me slightly. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Of course he dealt a cheery blow right back:

"True. When you're my wife you can share _my_ computer." Marriage. It wasn't something I was completely comfortable with yet, but Edward's promise to let me keep him forever seemed like a small exchange really. What was an extra piece of jewellery? But it meant so much. I got to stay with Edward, my better half, for eternity.

"Enough." I smiled, kissing his nose gently. I was pretty sure I had morning breath. I was also sure that I was only about seventy percent awake. I opened Adam's email, wondering why he would be contacting me. He was my only cousin, second cousin... maybe third, and we hadn't really seen each other since I was thirteen. I was always completely relaxed around him. He was worse than Jasper, simply because he had no excuse, but if you were sad, he would walk in and suddenly you're fine. The world could be ending and as long as he's smiling, you're good.

I blinked tiredly and began reading. No doubt Renee had tried to call in reinforcements, after she had heard about the marriage. Or maybe it was Charlie. Either way, he would most likely be wanting to talk because of my most recent life-changing decision. The email, once opened, was so long that I simply sighed and let my head fall onto Edward's stony shoulder.

"You read it. Decide if it's important or not." I ordered him. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me. Not ten seconds later he made an odd noise. It sounded like the noise people make after you ask '_Do you want coffee?_' they make an '_I'm not really sure_' noise then answer yes or no. Edward was making the '_I'm not really sure'_ noise.

"What?" I asked, not bothering to move.

"Do you like this Adam person?"

"Yes."

"Then it's nothing to be worried about." Edward said confidently and turned off the screen. I turned it back on, wondering why he was so secretive and evasive. I was now nearly a hundred percent awake.

_Bella,_

_Jeez, I had to go through three people before I found your email address. My mother had to talk to your father, who had to talk to your mother, before I finally got it. I might as well have called you myself. What is with the new address anyway? At least your other one made sense. When did you develop an obsession with vampires anyway? I thought you were more into Jane Austen. Has someone re-written the books? Is Heathcliff somehow related to Dracula now? JK._

_It has been too long since I've talked to you. You must've grown so much. I have grown out maybe, not up though. My hair is a little longer than you remember, but not much has changed on this end. I recently got the memo... married? Soon – to – be hitched? You of all people? How could you do this to me? No note, no nothing. It doesn't really matter anyway._

_Charlie and Renee have been working together (Never a good thing, eh?) and have decided that I'm going to come and visit you in Forks for a while. I think they're trying to hook __us__ up. Little do they know... I'm writing this from my phone on the airplane, so I'll probably be in Port Angeles by the time you're finished cleaning. Yes I know what you're like._

Of course he knew I'd start cleaning the house if he was coming over. Damn him and his almost psychic abilities.

_No I'm not psychic, I just know you. _

Freaky huh?

_I will see you soon. It appears we both have a little stuff to dish eh? _

_Love_

_Adam_

It took me about five seconds to go through happiness, worry, anticipation, nervousness, anger, irritation and settle on grumpy. I hit the shutoff button on the computer and banged my head against Edward's chest. Just as efficient as a wall. Just as painful. He stopped me after my third bang.

"I thought you liked this Adam character?" Edward asked, confused.

"I do, but now I have to clean, restock the fridge, kill Charlie, clean that up, drive to Port Angeles and deal with a headache and an empty stomach." I mumbled into his chest. God this man smelled good. Edward laughed.

"Do you really think I'd let you do all of that on your own? I can assist with cleaning, Alice would do the shopping for you, Jasper would aid in Charlie's murder, and clean up after himself, and I will drive us to Port Angeles, but before any of that I would feed you and make you take an Advil."

"That's why I love you. I should thank Alice."

"No need." Her chirpy voice sounded from the window I jumped so hard that I would've fallen off the chair, had Edward's arms not been around me. "Sorry Bella. What do you need in the grocery department?"

"Um..." I started trying to think. Her face fell blank for a second. She then smiled and dropped out of the window. "I am assuming she just picked everything I was about to say right?"

"Precisely." Edward mumbled as his lips began caressing my neck. I closed my eyes, concentrating on how good the feeling was, until, of course, my stomach rumbled. Edward chuckled, breathing cool air onto my neck.

"Let's get you breakfast."

Edward was extremely true to his word. He assisted me with any random chore I decided to impose on him. While the house was being swept and dusted, super quickly, by Edward, I made myself breakfast. I did the laundry, not quite wanting Edward – as perfect as he was – dirtying his hands with smelly clothes. Alice popped in and handed Edward all the groceries that she had bought, then darted out somewhere while Edward put them away. As I walked back into the living room I barely recognized it. Edward had done some serious tidying up. His stony arms wrapped around me.

"Now, I've asked Jasper to murder your father this evening, as he's leaving the station, so that the other police officials don't have to go too far to find the body."

"Why thank you." I was almost positive he was joking. Almost.

"Now, although I enjoy your attire, I'm sure this Adam would prefer it if you greeted him in clothes."

"And alone."

"I'm sorry?" Edward asked. I turned around, looking guilty.

"I want to see why he says he's here. It'll be easier if it's just one on one, you know? I want to kind of see if he's changed much. I'm sure he wants the same. God, I feel so terrible for doing this, especially after you helped me so much this morning..." He stopped me by placing his cool fingers on my lips.

"Don't worry about it. I've known all morning. Alice saw it as soon as you read the email."

"Then why did you help me all morning, if you knew you were just going to leave until later tonight?" I asked, confused.

"Because I love you, and because I can." Edward said, leaning in to kiss me. We stood there kissing for a while, enjoying each other's company, until the phone rang. I broke away from Edward.

"If that's Alice I'll murder her." I sighed picking up the phone.

"Yes?"

"Yes. That's how you answer your phone? Honestly Trix, you think you'd be a little more polite. If you don't want people knowing it's your house answer with 'Pizza Pizza, how may I help you?'"

"Adam!" I laughed.

"The plane's about an hour away from landing. Thought I'd let you know, so that I wouldn't have to wait in the airport with a bunch of weirdos."

"You brought your family?" I joked.

"Ouch. Harsh." He laughed. "See you soon!"

I hung up the phone and started upstairs, Edward following.

"Did he call you 'Tricks'?" Edward asked as we walked, placing his hand on my lower back.

"Tee-ar-aye-ex. When we first met, he was a big fan of Harry Potter. He heard my name was Bella and thought it was short for Bellatrix, a character in the series. Trix just got stuck on me I guess." I blushed. It sounded silly, even to me. Edward simply chuckled. I pulled out a sweater and jeans and disappeared to the bathroom. When I came back there were two people in my room. Edward looked distraught. Jasper turned around and my heart stopped. There was blood dripping from his mouth.

My heart stopped. I was kidding about the whole murder thing.

Edward was supposed to be kidding.

I woke to a worried and furious looking Edward and muffled apologies in the background. I felt strangely calm, even though I should've been terrified.

"Don't worry Bella, Charlie is fine, Jasper and Emmett are simply being assholes." I think that all of my intended shock turned into intended surprise. (I still wasn't anything but calm) Edward had just cursed. On what planet would he do that?

"Sorry Bella." Emmett's sheepish voice sounded from behind me somewhere. "It's April first, so I thought you'd realise it was just a joke."

I pulled myself into a sitting position. Edward had his hand supporting me, in case I decided to pass out again. I turned to Jasper, who really looked guilty.

"You had me there for a moment. Honestly..." I trailed off shaking my head. "I hope Alice, Rose and Esme punish you guys for that." I said. I glanced at the clock. I had to go.

"Come on Bella." Edward still looked hideously angry. He pulled me outside to his Volvo and stopped pressing me up against the car. He looked so furious, scary almost, simply because he was trying to be calm. I ran my fingers over his angular features and he leaned into my palm, still breathing slightly too heavily. After a few minutes he opened his eyes again. He looked a little better now.

"There, see? No harm done. We're all good. No one was hurt, at least that's what I'm assuming." I added, remembering the blood on Jasper's chin.

"No one was hurt." Edward promised. He bent his head so that our foreheads were touching. "But you Bella, I have never seen you go so pale in my entire life. Lying there, you looked almost dead. Your heart did stop for a few seconds there..." His voice was getting faster and angry again. This time I silenced him with a kiss.

"Edward, just promise me we'll get them back later? Next year or whatever?" I asked. He nodded determinedly. He reached behind me and opened the door, helping me into the seat. I had to doge the steering wheel. Wait...

"I'm driving?" I asked incredulously. Edward nodded. "Oh dear, you must've gotten hurt, or brainwashed or something..." I tried to lift myself over the gap to the passenger seat, but Edward's grip on me tightened.

"You are driving my car to Port Angeles. You're already running late, and fifty miles an hour isn't going to get you to the airport in time."

"Then you drive." I blurted. I was more scared now than I had been ten minutes ago with the whole Charlie death thing.

"You need alone time with Adam."

"You love your Volvo. You don't even let them drive it and they have the reflexes to keep it on the road." I pointed out. Edward grimaced slightly, but didn't relinquish his hold. Oh boy, oh jeez, not good.

"You can drive it easily, it isn't any different from your truck, except for the fact that you have to push on the pedal lightly, not completely floor it." I was shaking my head so rapidly through the entire speech that it made Edward smile. He placed his hands on either side of my face, turning my head to look at him.

"Please, Bella? I would feel better if you were to drive the Volvo." His breath, his proximity, his golden eyes and his gentle fingers running through my hair won me over.

"Stupid vampire with your stupid mind control." I whispered. Edward chuckled lightly, before handing me the keys.

I drove under fifty for the first mile. His car practically read my mind. The slightest touch to the pedal or wheel and it responded. With my truck you really had to push it, but not with this car. I could imagine it like an over-eager secretary, funnily enough, always right there, ready to do Edward's bidding at his slightest command. Images of a scantily dressed Lauren flashed through my head and suddenly I felt ticked off and angry. As soon as I realised that I was angry at myself for imagining Lauren as Edward's secretary because of a weird connection to his car, I had to laugh. It was no wonder Edward couldn't read my mind. My confidence soon grew though, and, although I was nowhere near eighty, I was definitely going fast enough that I felt a little adrenaline pumping. I made it to the airport in no time at all and parked Edward's car, waiting for Adam to show up. I honestly wondered what he would look like. Had he changed much?

Soon enough I had my answer. He was walking out of the airport, holding a sign with _my_ name on it, as if I were the one arriving. His light pink sweater and dark black jeans were skin tight, and he was carrying a huge suitcase behind him.

"Adam!" I called, laughing a little. When he looked over, his jaw dropped. And it dropped again. And a third time, before he snapped out of it and bolted over to me.

"Jesus Christ girl, you look incredible." He said before hugging me hard. I laughed again and we began walking to the car park. He grabbed the hand with the ring on it and 'aww'ed it before we continued. He casually linked hands with me as we began talking, just like when we were younger. He was a few years older than me, but I was more mature than him. Kind of like an Emmet vs Rosalie relationship. He was technically older, but she was definitely older.

"So how has your life been? Any new scars?"

"Plenty. I'll show you them later. How about you? Found your other half?"

"Maybe, but that will definitely take some weaselling out of me. Tell me about Mr Mystery. All I know is that his name is Edward. Quite frankly it sounds like a geek name to me." He dropped his suitcase and turned to me with horror and shock all over his face.

"Tell me you didn't fall in love with a geek?"

It was a good minute before I could breathe again I was laughing so hard.

"Edward is the furthest thing from a geek in the history of furthest things from geeks." I managed. He wiped his forehead dramatically and linked arms again with me. He stopped, again, when we reached the car.

"I thought you drove a crappy truck thingy." He said. He was so honest and frank that again, I was laughing.

"This is his car."

"He let you drive his car?" Adam looked so astonished and bewildered. He began to draw out an imaginary notebook.

"Pros – not geek, good car. Cons – geeky name, no air freshener." What? I turned to look at Edward's rear-view mirror. He didn't have an air freshener. How odd. Why hadn't I noticed that before. I still chuckled as I got into the car. Adam dumped his suitcase on the backseat and sat in the front.

"He keeps it all clean I guess. Good thing too. Making out is not so easy when one is rolling over crumbs on the backseat."

I blushed eight different shades of red before Adam started laughing.

"You haven't made out in the backseat?" he drew out the notebook again. "Is a non-cliché move a pro or a con?" Oh this was going to be funny. As we drove we ended up singing. Singing. Me. This was the effect he had on people.

" Look for the bare necessities  
The simple bare necessities  
Forget about your worries and your strife  
I mean the bare necessities  
Old Mother Nature's recipes  
That brings the bare necessities of life..."

We went through at least five random songs. From that one to the 'Banana Phone' song.

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring

Banana phone

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring

Banana phone

I've got this feeling, so appealing,

for us to get together and sing. Sing!

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone

Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding donana phone

It grows in bunches, I've got my hunches,

It's the best! Beats the rest!

Cellular, modular, interactivodular!..."

And many more. I pulled up outside my house and we sat in Edward's car, watching the rain roll down the windshield. We eventually calmed down a little.

"You have any alcohol?"

"Um... I think so?" I said. Why would we... oh. The promise. We had promised each other that the next time we saw each other we would both go and get completely drunk. Why had I made that promise? Because I seriously thought I wasn't going to see him again. It didn't matter now. What was one night?

We eventually made it indoors. Charlie had left a message on the machine, saying that he was over at Billy's. We had the whole night to talk.

"Pyjama time!" Adam cried and bolted upstairs, with his suitcase in hand, obviously going to find my room. I followed him upstairs. Oh he had so not changed. When I opened the door I found him in my underwear draw. I couldn't really say anything, only blush.

"I never really figured you for the thong type Bella." I hate you Alice. I hate you Alice. "But each to their own. I have a few at home." I hate my life. I blushed so hard that my ears went red. Adam laughed and walked over, giving me a huge hug.

"Instead of me rifling through all of your draws, trying to find the right one, just point to it." He laughed. I did so and he 'oohed' instantly.

"Silk. Tres sexy!" Again with the blush. "Ohh! We can match!" He pulled out a pair of blue plaid pyjamas. He opened his suitcase and pulled out a pair exactly the same. We both had on white t-shirts and the pants before the end of five minutes. We made our way downstairs and I made dinner while he mixed drinks.

"Where did you learn how to do that?"

"There was a manual on the plane about various cocktails thank you. However I had initially picked it up because of the title. It said 'The Best Cock in the World.' Some girl's hair was covering the rest." I had to laugh. He was so brutally honest all the time.

Before too long we were eating and drinking a little. Whatever he had made didn't taste alcoholic, so I was fine drinking it.

"So tell me about this Edward." Adam said, sitting right next to me on the couch.

"Where to begin?" I responded.

"How did you meet?" Well let's see... Should I mention the whole angry bio thing?

"Edward and I sat beside each other in biology. Actually the first day he kind of scared me." What was I doing? "He was on edge because of a family thing, and left abruptly. I didn't see him for two weeks after that. When we next spoke it was again in bio, and he was really nice, kind of apologetic and stuff. Then, the next day it was super icy, and really dangerous out."

"Did he carry you over the ice patches?" Adam teased.

"Actually he saved my life. He was near my truck as another one lost control and kind of nearly killed me. He pushed me out of the way." Adam's jaw dropped.

"Superman thingy goes in the 'Pro' column."

"I don't know... It kind of just got awkward from there. We didn't talk much... until he saved me again." I told Adam a very safe version of the Port Angeles incident, leaving out the whole important revealing issue conversation thing. "After that we kind of just hooked up and it was all good from there."

"How did he pop the question?" Adam asked.

"Um... he kind of did it three times. The first time I kind of refused him, but didn't say no. We were just in my room talking at that point. The second time, we were in his room talking and he asked, and I agreed. Then he remembered the whole ring deal and proposed a third time, down on one knee." I blushed at the memory.

"Wait, wait! Your room? His room? Are you still holding the virginity card lady?" Major blushing time.

"No thanks to me." I assured him. "Edward is PG rated."

"As in PG 13 or 'Perfect Gentleman'?" he asked. I had to laugh.

"Both!"

A few drinks later and we were both practically falling over each other. I was telling some story about Emmett. I was pretty sure I'd tried to say it three times now, but Adam hadn't seemed to notice. He kept telling me about Jamie, his other half.

"Best body in the world, great fashion sense, cute haircut, steady job..."

"Mmm! Sounds perfect."

"You keep your hands away!"

"Edward has the best body in the world, he can sing, play the piano, has a marvellous wardrobe, I love his hair, his eyes, his voice, his manners."

"Any good in bed?"

"He sings me to sleep. He lulled a wrotaby for me." I nodded my head.

"Really? I want a lullaby about me!"

"He wouldn't cause you're just a pain in the ass."

"That's what Jaime says!" We both laughed at that one. He stopped and looked really serious for a moment – which was hard to do because he was seriously swaying.

"I haven't seen your ass in ages! The last time I saw you, you still looked like a plank." I stuck my tongue out in response, sending us into another round of drunken giggles. I stood up, after trying twice, and turned so that he could see my but. He applauded in response.

"You have grown all over my dear!"

More drinks. I was feeling completely happy at this point. Blissful and numb.

"So you now like vampires?" Adam asked after we had talked a little about email.

"Mmm. I love Edward."

"Is he a vampire?" Adam laughed.

"Yup, and my best friend is a werewolf."

"Really?" Adam looked interested.

"Oh yeah. They hate each other. Vampires think werewolves smell bad and werewolves think werewolves smell bad." Or it was something like that.

"Wow. It must suck then. I have a friend who's into the occult. She's freaky weird. And Jaime has all these random fantasies too. We try and do as many of them as we can. Last week we were both pretending to be Neandrathels."

" Neandrathels? You mean Neanderthals?" I managed. The two words were kind of stretched out. Knee and earth alls. Fun.

"You know what word I like?" I said, waving my hands around. He shook his head. "Purple. It's long then short. Purrr. Pull. Long short."

"I like lib-libid... Libidinous. It bounces around in your tongue, on your mouth." I tried it out a few times and before long we were both bouncing it off of each other. Adam fell off the couch at one point and I couldn't help but laugh. Not three seconds later he was snoring. I closed my eyes for a moment, still mumbling 'libidinous' and 'purple'. The song 'Talk Dirty To Me' began running through my head too. I opened my eyes and started smiling.

"Edward!" I chuckled, reaching out to him like a child. He was frowning lightly and looked amused at the same time.

"You are drunk Bella." He stated. I knew that. What did he think I was stupid?

"No I don't think you're stupid." What can he read my mind now too? Edward suddenly laughed.

"Bella, you're not thinking, you're talking. You seem to have no filter between your brain and your mouth." Really?

"Where would you put a filter? There would be no room. Unless you had it at the back of my mouth. But then talking would be hard. And eating." I said. Edward nodded, agreeing with me. Suddenly the ceiling collapsed a little. Had I grown taller? Nope Edward just picked me up. He turned and the room turned, not stopping. I could feel my pyjama pants slipping.

"Can you see my but?" I asked. Edward smiled again, though he still looked embarrassed and odd.

"I wasn't looking Bella, but probably."

"Why weren't you looking?" I asked. He looked down at me shocked, and embarrassed again. "Is my but not good? What's wrong with it?" I tried to roll over in his arms to see what was so offensive about my but. He held me steady though.

"N..Nothing's wrong with it Bella..." he seemed like he was struggling for words. Who was the drunk one here? "I... I mean... It's very appealing and you have nothing to worry about."

When had Edward been staring at my but?

"You stare at my but?" I asked, completely confused now. This wasn't like Edward. Edward frowned, exhaling sharply and his mouth formed various starts of words before he finally said.

"We're at your room. Let's go to sleep, shall we? We can discuss this in the morning, when you're lucid."

"I am lucid." I protested as Edward swung me into bed. I'm sure he wasn't actually swinging me, but that's what it felt like. The ceiling danced a little.

"I'm going to throw up." I informed him. I sounded lucid to me. Where was I going to throw up? There was a good clean spot on the floor beside me. I began to roll out of the bed when I found myself in the bathroom. Upchuck time! The toilet made my heaving sound like echoes. Edward was right beside me, his strong hands supporting me, and holding my hair out of the toilet. I wasn't feeling so hot right now. Actually I was. I was much too hot. I began pulling off my shirt, moaning slightly. I felt sick and hot and horrible. Edward tried to pull my shirt back on me but I whined at him, pulling myself out of it and pressing my bare chest to the cold tiled floor. I closed my eyes, breathing heavily for a minute.

"Oh, Bella." Edward sounded so sorry. Why was he sorry? His cold hand ran itself up and down my exposed back. It was helping. The last thing I remembered, he was humming my lullaby.

I woke up in my bed, with my shirt on. I hadn't yet opened my eyes and quite frankly I didn't want to. I could hear the rain patting against the window. I had never heard a sound so loud, annoying and painful. I whined slightly and ducked my head under the covers. Someone was hammering a nail into my head, I was sure of it.

"I'm so sorry Bella." Edward sighed from beside me. I mumbled incoherently for a minute. What had happened? It took a few moments before I could dredge up some memories. Oh crap. I hated cocktails now. Despised them. I could hear Adam's complaining from here as he yelled muffled curses at inanimate objects.

"Advil." I muttered.

"Beside you." Edward whispered. His voice was being extremely gentle and soft. It was hardly hurting at all. I opened one eye, feeling a wave of pain hit me as I found the pills and downed two. I fell back to sleep as soon as Edward slid next to me and began humming my lullaby.

When I next woke I felt better. Still crap, but better. I apologized to Edward and he hugged me as I sat trying to clear my head. I felt loads better, but still a little nauseous.

"Your cousin is still downstairs. I must admit I don't like him much. He had nothing but inappropriate thoughts of you last night and he got you drunk and sick."

"No the drunk thing was a promise we'd made ages ago. And you're wrong. He couldn't have been that inappropriate, unless he's had a brainwash."

"What do you mean?" Edward asked. How could he be so dense? I would've thought it was obvious even to a non-mind reader.

"You'll see later then." I said. I knew we were going over to his house later, Esme had requested it once she'd found out about Adam coming over.

"Alright. I have to go love, Adam is coming." He kissed me gently before sliding out of the window. I threw the covers back over my head. Adam jumped onto the bed with me, laying his heavy body on top of me, squishing all the air from my lungs.

"Hey cutie. Rise and shine."

"Have you no mercy?" I asked, pressing my hands over my ears. His voice hurt much more than Edward's did.

"Ah, le hangover. Come downstairs, I made some excellent tea. You'll feel better in no time. Aren't we supposed to be going somewhere in a few hours anyway? Something about Mr Mystery and his odd family?"

"Yeah yeah. Get off!" I whined. He did so and pulled me downstairs. Whatever was in the tea helped. Soon we were in Edward's Volvo, driving to his house. I was at fifty two, not daring to go faster. I hated these roads at slow speeds, let alone fast ones.

"You drive like a grandma with a hernia." Adam complained. I rolled my eyes and we continued. Talk Dirty To Me, was still running through my head. I began humming to it and then Adam caught the tune, belting out the lyrics. Did he have no respect for my head? It still felt crap, even if it wasn't pounding anymore.

"And baby... talk dirty to me!" he finished as we turned into the driveway. He stopped his singing and whistled appreciatively.

"Slap me silly, this place is gorgeous! Just look at the design! The siding is completely unique and I have never seen such intricate carvings in shutters before. The house looks as though it were pulled from a painting."

"Is this on your 'Pro' list?"

"Abso-freakin-lutely." We got out of the car and the first person to come barging out was Emmett. He didn't even look at Adam, simply at the Volvo, then me.

"He let you drive the Volvo? Edward let you drive his Volvo? I have to be hallucinating." He grabbed my hand, pressing it to his forehead. "Do I have a temperature?" I laughed and winced a little.

"Emmett, this is Adam, my cousin." Emmett turned around and blinked.

"Oh. Hey. How are you?" he said. Adam was still staring open-mouthed.

I walked over to him, whispering into his ear.

"Sorry babes, he's hooked."

"All the good ones are." Adam wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. What would he think of Edward and Jasper? Emmett took us inside, belting out to the others that I was here. I winced as he yelled. Edward was the first one down the stairs, whacking Emmett across the head before hugging me gently.

"Good afternoon, love."

"Already?" I mumbled.

"Hem, hem."

I laughed and turned to introduce Edward to Adam. Adam, again, was shocked and jealous. Edward raised his eyebrows slightly, and I wondered what Adam was thinking.

"Bella, you are no fair. How come you have to snatch the good ones?"

"Keep your hands and dirty mind away from my fiancé." I said.

"Yeah, that's what she does." Emmett added, earning another slap from Edward. Rosalie came down next. Adam immediately went up and started talking shoes.

"I love your Jimmy Choos darling. I have seen, the most perfect pair of Prada shoes that would fit so well with that outfit though." Rosalie was immediately lost. Obviously she was used to men fawning over her, not one who was criticizing her. Alice bounded down next.

"I know the exact pair you mean. The blue ones with the straps right?" She chimed. Adam jumped back, feigning surprise.

"Dear god, Bella. Your sister in law was bred by pixies!" he half-yelled, earning chuckles from everyone. As everyone made their appearances Adam greeted them all, inappropriately on the most part, except when it came to Esme. He properly kissed her hand and complimented her taste in husbands. Eventually everyone disappeared again, but I knew they were listening. Edward sat me in his lap as the three of us spoke.

"Bella would have to be nuts not to marry you. Hell I'd marry you in a heartbeat if you'd let me." Adam sighed, he turned to me, whispering dramatically.

"Are you _sure_ all of them are happy and hooked?"

"Positive." I laughed.

"Well... fine then. If they change their minds, let me know. Now, I managed to pick up, amongst your drunk ramblings, that this Alice, has a wardrobe large enough to be a house."

Right on cue she bounced down the stairs. Words that were supposedly English flew from both of their mouths at a speed I wouldn't have thought possible, at least not on the human side. Adam and her went straight to her closet. Jasper headed down here to talk with us.

"He's got a gift." He said simply. "Very similar to mine. It would be interesting to change him, see if we received similar powers." After that he drifted away. I turned to Edward.

"Well, has your delving into his brain convinced you that I am safe from him."

"Oh yes, _you_ are safe. It's me and my brothers I'm worried about. I saw us all in various positions I never want to see again. I'm not sure whether to be relived or not that at least I was one of the dominant ones." Cue blush. And thank you. Heat flashed across my cheeks. I desperately tried not to think of that scenario. Impossible. Tell someone not to think about a pink rhino. What will they do? Think about a pink rhino. I shuddered slightly at the thought and images I was conjuring, especially since a pink rhino made its appearance in one of them.

"I love him sometimes. He's very blunt. By the way, I think you passed the inspection."

"Was there ever a doubt?" Edward asked, running his fingers gently over my hair.

"Not in my mind."


	2. The Torch

Okay – if anyone wants to expand on this, write their own second chapter or whatever, PM me and I will hand over the torch. This is a one-shot on my part, but if anyone would like to take it further I want to interview them first. Hope you laughed at least once.

(PS – Yes Adam is gay. There was some confusion on that part.)

BritCat


End file.
